The esoteric is basically a reflection of the exoteric, by default. Most of what we are is what we learn, and most of what we learn is offered, often aggressively, by the prevailing nomos. It’s comparable to a proprietary computer operating system, where the code is well hidden, and updates are often uploaded from some central hub, usually whether we want them or not. Safeguards are implemented to make sure we do not fuck with the code.The ‘law’, morality, ‘right and wrong’, right conduct vs ‘wrong’ conduct(such as say, not shaking someones hand when they offer it, or maybe wearing swim trunks to the office), religion, ‘patriotism/nationalism’, and the ‘education’ gauntlet (examples, not exhaustive) serve as overarching clusters of control memes built to keep ‘us’ on the right path, to keep us submissive and under control.
Attempts to ‘re-write’ the software for everyone are ultimately pointless, as the ‘software’ lives within the minds of people, far too many people to ‘reprogram’. Even if such an endeavor were possible the submissive nature of most people would lead to this new ‘software’ filling the role of the old, ie a proprietary system that people willingly submit to, becoming more and more honed to it’s purpose by those that might benefit by doing so(including those that are subject to it themselves) until we have a new version of the old, a new nomos. The dynamic would inevitably remain the same.
There is nothing inherently ‘wrong’ with the ‘software’ anyway, it is what it is and it is because it was inevitable. Human society is a reflection of the human animal and the dynamic is wired to that inescapable truth. Until the nature of man, the animal, changes the system of social order he creates for himself will always serve the same functions vis a vis his ‘psyche’. He will always be looking to ‘something else’, to that software developer to offer the system and maintain it. Name it ‘God’, name it Government, name it family name it ‘success’. Name it any or all of these, or something else entirely,as long as it is something ‘greater’, something for which there is no personal responsibility. Ultimately it all has the same name…’master’.
Many if not most have no problem with this, and the abrahamic memeplex to which most of the world is heavily subjected actually goes so far as to place submission and obedience on a pedestal, enshrining these things as values. These ‘values’ have stretched far and wide beyond the religion(s) that spawned them, and that suits the purveyors of nomos just fine in this age as in most previous ages. Yet some, for whatever reason are driven to autonomy. Perhaps our wiring is ‘broken’, or perhaps we are a biological necessity, the rough edge of evolution and change, from the inside out. Perhaps ‘we’ keep the stagnant pool from festering ‘just enough’ to keep it alive.
Regardless of reasoning, for myself and those like myself there is an impetus, an impetus from deep within us to break free of it. A feeling that this is all wrong, all arbitrary. An intuitive knowing that the prefabricated person we create in our head, that is created in others heads, that we are told and retold is what we are isn’t actually ‘us’. Merely a form, a sculpted bottle to fill.
If you are going to travel up shit creek, you are going to need a paddle. The software can be ‘hacked’.
Sure, it isn’t easy. When I speak of things like stepping into the abyss, of doing the ‘deeds of the devil’, of breaking the chains that bind you I speak (although admittedly metaphorically) of this very thing. The psyche itself, the ‘you’ that you imagine is you is firmly bound up in a packaging of ‘ego’. The ego seeks not only validation but a sort of ‘comfort zone’ which we might call sanity, or normality, or regularity, or even ‘personality’, so mere words are not sufficient to effect it. Sure, we can learn things from writing but things that challenge our point of view are very easy to rationalize away, and as this is the path of least resistance it is generally taken. Consider the last time you talked a christian out of his faith. Never? No amount of logic or reason can assault a belief someone finds important to who or what they believe themselves to be.
To look into the abyss, to ‘hack the software’ requires transcending language into the realm of pure experience. When I speak of ‘pure experience’ I mean those moments when time slows to a crawl..the moment you know you are in a fight, the moment you know you are in critical danger, the moment you know you have just done something that just can not be rationalized into synchronicity with the ‘you’ you have created for yourself. These moments are worth lifetimes, and it is in these moments where the providence of the devil, MY devil, reigns supreme.
Often times these moments critically alter a position or a view that might have been crucial to maintaining the ‘you’ you think you are or were, and can oftentimes be traumatic or painful for just this reason. Sometimes these moments merely expose a limit or view you didn’t even consciously realize you had, or conversely make you realize what you thought was a personal boundary was merely an illusion. Once a limit is realized as false you have achieved slightly more autonomy, and once a limit is realized for what it is it can be thusly assaulted and overcome by further ‘raw experience’ selectively chosen for the given purpose.
Of course, sometimes a limit is exposed as such and you can be comfortable with that, but even in these instances you come away with a greater knowledge of the self, a realization of a boundary you at least know is your own and not somebody elses you might have adopted.
This process does come at a price though, as you come to realize and constantly remind yourself that ‘you’ are not always who ‘you’ think ‘you’ are, and you may not even be a ‘you’ at all! In fact, I would go so far as to say the crystallization of the ego is the antithesis to your own autonomy, as the more you define yourself the more you exclude, the more borders you build the more you must defend to maintain your own structural integrity. We are truly our own biggest obstacle, our own greatest adversary, because though the programming we receive may come from without, it only gains power once it is internalized.
It’s a road less traveled, a road that can easily lead to misfortune, jail, ostracization, insanity or death. Yet for me at least, the ends justify the means, and I will continue until I achieve total autonomy, or die trying; because the alternative to me is a far more terrible thing.
It has been a good bit of time since I have felt the impetus to write. Generally, when I write something here, it comes like a bolt of lightning. Something comes into my head and I feel it is important enough to flesh it out with words, that it must be captured, and I feel impelled to do just that.
Usually I deal in abstract concepts, as I am trying to capture a ‘vibe’ most of the time. Language is a funny thing, and I find much of what I spend my time trying to express can only be roughly intimated with it, which is why I write the way I do. The method is a sort of philosophical discourse with myself intended to capture a certain essence that is a result of the sort of life that I lead and the reflections of reality that shows me.
This too hit me like lightning, but not as a point of philosophical contention or some crystallization of some formerly nebulous vibe, but as a realization. Maybe a grim realization. If I continue I may in fact go mad, or lose the ability to function within normal society.
People are judged by their limits, measured by them. People of all stripes rate human value based upon these. I have been described as having a bad attitude, being violent, a psycho, heartless, cruel, a loser, a failure, being crass, out of control, and much more, just for living and acting as I see fit, and maybe they are right. As time goes on, and I continue to practice what I preach, all this shit seems more foreign to me. Less important. Normal people are aliens, with alien values and alien culture. As I slide deeper and deeper into the abyss I find less and less common ground, less reason to wear a convincing mask. I feel a bit like a stranger in a strange land, and it’s only getting worse.
I keep tearing down the walls, digging to find the bedrock, and the cold realization is that there are no walls and that all is dirt has given me a long pause.
What ‘we’ are is defined by the limitations we give ourselves. Without them there is just the outer dark, the formless form.
I know I can’t get off this path now, there’s no going back, but I highly recommend against it. It’s only a matter of time for me.
The abyss really does stare back.
Something is being missed. I look left, I look right..I just don’t see it.
Satanists oppose, they choose targets and lay waste. The why isn’t as important as the result, the raw experience that comes only from doing, yet the why remains an elusive thing. Some see a change to be made, something wrong with the world and seek out on a quest to right it..which is of course slingshots against the lightning. This can be useful as a vector for esoteric development(a reason to do), yet still to these, as it seems to me, something remains unseen, unrealized.
To those on the path there are many stumbling blocks, and just as many ways to navigate them. For instance, if it is not fully realized that the RHP/LHP dynamic can effectively understood as a stasis/progress dynamic one might fall into the trap of seeking a new stasis to replace the old. A brave new world, or some Satanic paradise where might is right is law and we can all sing kumbayah backwards over the light of baby fat candles at Dennys, ahh yes we should all unite and strive for this…
Surely, as adversity breeds change we should fight tooth and nail to impose our will upon the world? To show the slaves their chains and impel them to break free? To open the gates of the pen and start a revolution? A naive bit of idealism.
Most people LIKE their chains, they LIKE their pen, their masters, their stasis. They crave it, they need it, they are OF it. The god of the bible is a representation of that thoughtform – a cut and dried unchanging blueprint for all of history. Another is ‘democracy’, patriotism, belief in the state is belief in the essence of that god in secular clothing. This LHP/RHP thing isn’t a war, or a struggle for dominance but a facticity, a balance formed over thousands and thousands of years of human society.
Yet, with all of that said, there is a little yin to this yang, a nested doll within the next. To be a Satanist, to be of the devil..is to see beauty in the world, to love it as it is..all the hate, violence, horror and death right along side the beauty, love and the rest of human experience that operates by scale of contrast. To be of God, or of secular god stuff, is to look at a broken world in need of fixing, righting. To have a ‘better way’ or a standard of ‘rightness’(stasis) to impose upon the world. Yet these too are and always have been part of the balance.
Satan rules this world. The dark prince of adversity, machinations, will to power..the ever turning wheel. Yet, the wheel remains a wheel relative to how and where it turns, a sort of stasis in the ever present change by fang and claw. An equilibrium of pushing and pulling, a a balance within the constant struggle only Sisyphus might truly comprehend.
It is from this realization that amorality is possible, that the need to impose stasis can be shed. The world isn’t broken, it simply is. There is no better or worse, no right or wrong. There are those mundane humans that prefer to mold themselves to some other, or mold the world to some other, and there are, naturally, those that embrace what is, and what they are. There is the undeniable state of reality, in all its hard, uncompromising and brutal glory. There is ‘Satan’, and there are all of his many many would be, impotent and cuckold successors, those that would fire the slingshot against the lightning and expect victory.
Yes, there is something missed. There is nothing static but the dynamic balance. There is no ‘superior’, only those impelled to be what they are, for any reason or no reason. There is no imposing order on chaos, because there is already a sort of order..something bigger than any man or any idea. Something that can’t be fucked with.
I choose to call that something, ‘Satan’. That I choose to embody this state of constant conflict within myself makes me Autodiabolic.
The debate whether Satan should be viewed as an archetype or as a very real being has raged between those describing themselves as Satanists for many decades now. Ultimately an extension of the atheism vs theism debate that serves as jingling keys to distract us from the true source of mental slavery, I find both positions, and the argument itself, fairly meaningless. Viewing Satan as another superstitious figurehead, built into a dualistic framework that is separated from any other western ‘religion’ only by the names and ‘regulations’ seems an exercise in onanism, while on the other hand viewing him as little more than a psychological figurehead for ‘being yourself’ or ‘being your own god’ ultimately understood as a feelgood excuse to be just like everyone else but feel superior based on the existence of said figurehead, regardless of any actual praxis, doubly so. Modern or theistic, I just find most contemporary ‘satanism’ to be worthless. Perhaps this is why I continue to write.
In the Autodiabolic framework, ‘Satan’ is both real and figurative, both descriptive and prescriptive. ‘He’ is simply the destroyer.
In an esoteric context, He moves you beyond limitation, into the dark places most fear to tread (both figuratively and literally). He is that ‘pathei mathos’ resultant from doing his deeds and walking in his shoes, and he is the resultant personal change born of this. He is the principle and praxis of that which leaves your personal ‘sacred cows’ in a mutilated bloody heap, crunching that which was once certainty under cloven hoof, exposing what lay beneath, often horrifying, often painful, yet always ‘true’, to the light of day.
In an exoteric context, He is that which destroys the old so that the new might be, the sword, fang and claw that rends the flesh from the bone. He is the deeds done that tear down walls, ripple the still pools and tip over the canoe. He is the fire that burns what it can, leaving only that which it cannot. Without him, meaningful change, meaningful progress would not happen..yet we are told to shun ‘him’, to fear ‘him’(or at least, all that ‘he’ represents). In many ways this makes perfect sense.
If you like how things are, enjoy your comforts, and are down with the status quo, why would that which challenges it not be a sort of ‘evil’? After all, we are wired as animals to protect our territory, amplified by our ability for abstract thought to extend that territory to ‘ideas’. It isn’t like there is a ‘better way’, for surely that is not the point of view I am offering, but only diversity. To most the dark is scary, the unknown is a source of unease. To those that value most highly their comfort, as we are taught to, the entirety of Satans providence is an alien and inhospitable landscape. The principle and praxis of burning down that comfortable place, to those, will always be the barbarians at the gates.
Yet to a certain sort, to my kind, comfort has been dethroned as the prevailing psychological authority base. To those like me, the stagnation of ‘sameness’ and stillness is the greatest ‘evil’. To those like me, the society we live in,enshrining mediocrity, placid mentality, egalitarian valuation, and all the other safeguards to the great stagnation that is the body and blood of nomos, is a sickness. For my kind welcomes those same barbarians to dine at our table, to burn down the fort..if they can.
To some, the beauty lay in the spires of the emerald city, for others in the flames that consume it.
In the course of learning of oneself, through ones reactions to personal trials, tribulations, fire and pathei mathos, every so often a core element is found. This can manifest in a line that can’t be crossed, a principle or idea for which one would die, or kill, or a bond to one of your own that goes deeper than, and transcends, anything that can be articulated with language or reasoned with thought. This is the root of the tree that is true honour, dark or hidden honour..something understood only to those far enough to the periphery of the nomian apparatus to put it into perspective, and to those with the certain dark fire burning within them to act on their true will rather than sublimate it.
To discover these elements, from where I sit, is the ultimate goal of the LHP in general, and certainly ADM in specific. Shattering boundaries is pointless if it would leave you an undefined amorphous mess, some wishy washy ‘relativist’ that stands for nothing. This I fear is something that has been overlooked by many. This is a methodology of discovery, and sometimes that which is discovered, that which stands up to the heated fire of scrutiny, stands up to the cold reality of real world experience, over and over again does so because you have hit bedrock. A dose of personal gnosis, actual knowledge of self, has been realized.It is these nuggets of truth that are what stands between ‘honour’ and ‘morality’ in terms of definition.
Morality is bullshit. Morality is any and all adopted sets of external dictates, internalized, that constitute ‘right and wrong’, in a universal sense. Honour on the other hand is built of the fruits of pathei mathos and fire, and rather than offering an objective idea of what is right and what is wrong, instead a sense of what drives you to act, and how, in a personal sense is discovered and thus honour is discovered rather than adopted. To the outsider these ideas seem quite similar in appearance, after all both personal honour and morality provide lines in the sand, dos and don’ts, and even sometimes similar logical affirmations, the underworkings of how they function are as night and day. One is hollow, the other solid.
Our society trains us to marginalize personal honour in favour of impersonal groupthink. We are told of rights and wrongs, impersonal boundaries in which we are to function, predefined ways which we are to deal with things based upon this moral apparatus. We are taught to seek our own justice is wrong, and even that we are not qualified to define justice for ourselves, and instead to defer it to something impersonal requiring the marginalization of our own honour based on our own path traveled, for what is true justice if not an extension of honour itself?
Those that enact their own justice are branded vigilantes, outlaws, for this is a safeguard of the apparatus to ensure total control. Those that react in a way demanded by this accumulated honour based on their personal core elements are labeled as extremists, psychos, crazies, or at the very least over reactors. Sometimes, to those that do not share in this sense of personal honour, reactions might seem extreme or overplayed, but that too is an element of the nomian apparatus. To keep us as slaves requires actions that fall outside of what is accepted be demonized, and to enact ones own justice, being innately an act of personal rather than collective autonomy will always fall outside of that line.
My sense of personal honour drives me to be fiercely protective and loyal to my own. My dark honour requires me to act when required, sometimes violently, shockingly, to those that do not share in the sorts of experiences that have driven me to this core bedrock from which there is no backing down, no retreat. My honour is built of the things I will not permit, and is the root of the upward spiral insofar as I personally, esoterically feel it,and exoterically demonstrate it. This is a concept manifested in praxis and realized through praxis that separates ‘my kind’ from those of a more mundane sort.
Once morality is destroyed, one is either destroyed with it or is discovered beneath it. Once one knows where ones own lines are, through crossing them, through facing them, morality becomes honour, the right hand becomes the left. It is then, and only then, that those honourbound can come together and begin to reverse the spiral downwards to something more organic. It is the realization of honour that spirals into justice, into meaningful community, meaningful personal bonds, into something real and solid.
There are far more than three piggies, piggies are legion. Piggies everywhere, doing their little piggy things in their little piggy ways, just like the other piggies.
Most piggies don’t build their own houses anymore, that sort of thing is passe to modern day piggies. Prefabricated piggy houses are given to each piggy, which they happily live in, in such a way that a pig does. Each piggy house is just as the next, and though not too roomy or well constructed, they serve the purpose of the piggy – to keep him from the big bad wolf.
Some piggies prefer more room in their piggy houses, or will have his little piggy house fall apart from the fierce and incessant blowing of the Big Bad Wolf. Being quite lazy or incapable as most piggies are, they make only a minimal effort to reconstruct their home, of straw because wood is much to hard for them to work with. These houses are not so bad, say these particular piggies, for there is much room to move around, and surely the wolf wont be back, or doesn’t exist at all.
Every now and then a piggy will lose his house to the wolf and come face to face with its grim visage of teeth and snarls.Those that manage to not be consumed when meeting the wolf do so though their own cunning, and will not often forget the wolf, or what it can do. These little piggies come to realize the reality of the situation, and set about building a house of bricks instead. The other piggies laugh, they mock, they give funny little piggy looks.
This rare piggy, having a knowledge of the wolf other piggies do not, continues unphased.